What is poetry? Poetry is clumps of words that make people feel something.

Was poetry meant to be read silently or aloud? Yes and yes! Rhyme began circa 367 B.C. or A.D. when somebody, Homer, I think, wanted to tell a famous story about a famous Greek guy and have the listeners remember it. Later, in the schoolyard, rhyme developed into jump rope songs so that girls knew when to jump into the turning rope. Rhyme then became an integral part of capitalism, when catchy advertising jingles helped potential customers to remember a company’s products and services, rhymes that were used to ironic effect after Hurricane Katrina, i.e.. “Nationwide is on your side.” And rhyme is still alive “in the hood,” where rappers use it to urge their fellow “gangstas” to kill policemen. But African-American poets have contributed more than rap; they also wrote many Harlem Renaissances.

What is the difference between a stanza and a verse? This is one of those oft-asked questions like: What is the difference between a lawyer and an attorney? Or is a pig the same thing as a hog? All you really need to know is that both stanzas and verses are made up of lines.

What is a line? This is a line.

But there are many kinds of lines. There is a conga line, a reception line, a line of coke, a pick-up line, a lifeline, and of course a roaring line (?). If you are a poet, you decide which words to put in the line. You decide how many words to use. How do you decide which words to use and how many? That is the poetry part.

What is a simile and what is a metaphor? People often find it difficult to distinguish between simile and metaphor. This is understandable.

What is iambic pentameter? Although it sounds like a geometry term, it is not.

How do you know what a poem means? You decide what the poem means to you. But you are probably wrong. You are probably missing like 17 literary allusions, 12 mythological references, and two or three images taken from the Psalms. And if that isn’t enough, poets go out of their way to use fancy, archaic words, words that other poets haven’t used lately. Like “dovecote.” Do you know what a dovecote is? I didn’t think so.

Why do people go to poetry readings? Most go for the snacks. Some go to get signed copies of books that may one day be worth something on e-Bay. And some use poetry readings as a gentle, non-addictive sleep aid.

If you don’t like poetry, are you a Philistine? Yes.

Can you make any money writing poetry? Hell yeah. Just look at Shakespeare. I wish I got those royalty checks. And T.S. Eliot. How many years did CATS run on Broadway? But most poets make their money explaining poetry to people who don’t “get” poetry. And, happily, there is no shortage of those.

How do you get published?
Ideally, your best friend from college works at The New Yorker. If that is not the case, many writing guides recommend that, before submitting poems, you first sample a variety of literary magazines. But this is nonsense. Who wants to read a bunch of literary magazines? Get a copy of The Writers’ Market, buy seventy sheets of stamps and strafe every literary magazine in America.

If you arrange the words
On a page
Like this
So that everything
hugs
the
left margin
Is that a poem?

Yes, that is an undergraduate poem.